Dear Paramount Pictures,
Thank you for selecting an all-white cast for your upcoming film, Avatar: The Last Airbender. People keep asking, “Does Hollywood not want an all-asian cast? Or are the actors best suited for the roles just happen to be white?” The answer is obvious: Asian people don’t have talent. The 4 billion Asian people in Asia don’t count because they can’t speak english. So that leaves us with only 15 million Asian Americans in the United States. And none of these can act. Kind of like the way the current all-white cast can’t do martial arts. (So that mando martial arts boot camp you’re putting them through is a brilliant idea!) Maybe Asian people should take some acting classes. Honestly though, skills aside, there are just some things you cannot learn. Like your looks. It’s all genetics baby. Most people don’t want to admit it because we’re living in this post-racial America and crap. So much PC talk. But there is nothing politically wrong with saying, white people are better to look at on screen, especially a Hollywood screen. If I wanted to see an all-Asian cast, I’d rent a Korean drama (oh dang those Koreans know how to backstab). And for the record, I don’t think it’s weird at all to see white people doing Asian things. White people are extremely versatile in adapting other cultures because they suffer from blank canvas culture. The good thing about Asian people is that they love to share (I never had to do my own homework). So it’s okay that you’re borrowing traditional East Asian calligraphy, martial arts, Chinese art, monk costumes, Japanese Anime, fight choreography from Asian cinema, and the philosophies of Hinduism, Taoism and Buddhism for this movie. Asian culture without the Asian people. It’s like chicken without the bones. I think this is a great way to spread Asian-ness to the rest of America. Asian people are awesome. They have awesome things in their culture. They have an awesome history no one likes to talk about. They make awesome karate moves. They cook awesome food. But Asian people, are not awesome to look at on the big screen. Because they could never make it to the big screen. Because Asian people have no talent. Wow, 15 million Asian Americans in the United States and not one can act? That’s fucked up.